To breed or not to breed

That is the question. Actually, for most of my peers it really isn’t much of a question. I feel bombarded and overwhelmed with the number of people that I went to highschool with who have been having children, some since 2003. Some of these people are on to their 2nd or 3rd child. Holy. Crap. This just only continues to solidify the fact that I am nowhere near ready for a child. Yes. I understand that I am almost 26 years old. I understand that there are “child-bearing” years and the older you are when you have children the more high risk your pregnancy becomes, etc. etc.

But really now. I cannot fathom having to raise a child right now. I love babies. But parenting doesn’t stop after the first year. You’re a parent for life. They don’t go away. You can’t just stop being a parent. Children deserve all of their parents time, even though a lot of young parents seem to think otherwise. I dont want to give my time away like that. I like doing what I want, when I want to.

Recently, we have been talking about the possibility of not having children. Ever. There once was a time where the thought of 3 children sounded great. Then it got reduced to 2. Then 1. Now the possibility of 0 is inconsideration. This is surprising to some people. We’ve gotten mixed responses, some like:

“But you love children!” Yes. I do. But I dont have to take them home with me. Or worry about them constantly. Or pay for them. Or any of that other stuff that parents have to do vs a teachers responsibilities.
“You’re good people” Yes. We are. And no doubt that if Ken and I were to have a child they would be pretty awesome. But just because we’re “good” doesn’t mean we need or want to parent. Nobody should parent just because they “can.”
“It’s the point of life” Maybe once, when the world was less populated and most of your kids would get small pox and die and you’d have nobody to help tend to the crops. Life isn’t about procreation. Your life can be anything you want it to be, and populating the earth isn’t a necessity anymore.
“What about when you get old./What if one of you dies” Yes? What will having a child change? You can’t have a child as an insurance policy. Who’s to say that your child will be willing or able to care for you when you are older? What if you have a severely disabled child? You will be caring for them for their whole life. And what if one of us dies young? Would it be better to leave your partner as a single parent? How is that an improvement to circumstances?
“I want a grandchild/niece/nephew” Congratulations.


Are there certain reasons for having a child? Yes. Part of me thinks that it would be nice to have a little me running around. But is that a solid reason for having children? No. In fact its kind of selfish.



Obviously, nothing is final. We will definitely reevaluate our circumstances and goals when we reach our 30′s and see if children are something we truly want. But for now, I have a life to live. We have bigger adventures ahead of us. I want to experience the world before I’m tied down to the homestead. And I want to be able to do it without having to feel societal pressure to do otherwise.